Encouragement During Criticism

One of the hardest things in the ministry is dealing with criticism. It’s bound to come at some point or another, regardless of how skilled or effective the minister is. One of the best resources I’ve come across to help deal with this is CJ Mahaney’s The Pastor and Personal Criticism. It’s on my Kindle and I’ve come back to it several times over the years when I’ve faced criticism and needed reminders of God’s grace and my need for humility.

It’s painful enough to receive criticism, but worse than hearing the critic is the anxiety of the unknown critic who does not approach the minister. It’s the weight of constantly feeling like your ears are ringing from people talking about you behind your back. You’ve probably been there, you walk into a room and people stop talking and look at you, you get cold responses when you say hello to people, and people say odd comments about sticking up for you. It can wreck a ministry because of a crippling fear of mistakes, rob a minister of his joy to serve by building walls of fear and paranoia, and in some cases cause good servants to walk away dejected and defeated. Sadly, I’ve seen all of these before, both personally and in guys I know and love. To that, I want to write some encouragement during those times of known and unknown criticism.

1. Not all criticism is bad – I have to remind myself of this often, that criticism can be a tool to increase effectiveness and bring out a better result. Many times the negative aspect of criticism is all we see, but good criticism helps expose faults, flaws, areas for growth, and potential improvements.
2. Your critics aren’t always mean spirited jerks – There are a few out there, that’s true, but by and large when people give criticism most of the time they’re not seeking to destroy you, your family, your ministry, and your legacy. They are hurt, concerned, or need to express something to you that they feel is wrong. That said, there are a few out there who will do that, but that’s typically the exception rather than the rule. Either way, take it in stride, recognize humility is a virtue, learn 2-3 things from the criticism, and press on.
3. The unspoken criticism is probably not as bad as you think – Unless you’re the POTUS, it’s doubtful people spend much time talking about you. People are too busy and to be honest, you’re probably not that important to them if they don’t like you. There are probably not as many back-hall conversations as you think are happening, and not everyone in the church is out to get you fired. Relax. Continue to show grace, smile, talk to people and don’t let your paranoia rule you. If there is that much going on, don’t be naive about it and play the ostrich; you might want to get out of there friend, that’s toxic.
4. Don’t play critic’s math – Yesterday Jon Acuff had a blog post about critic’s math. Basically, that’s the math where you can receive 100 compliments but all you remember is the one person who thinks you’re an idiot. Don’t play that game, celebrate the positives far more than you dwell on the negatives. I keep personal notes, emails, and texts from students as a safeguard against critic’s math, because that’s a big struggle for me. Critic’s math can destroy a minister from the inside, don’t let it. Don’t let the critic’s math cause you to move or give up, sometimes these periods of tension and pain are designed to make us more like Jesus.
5. Build a coalition of allies on the front end – Build bridges when you go somewhere, don’t immediately start using your flamethrower. I wish that was something I had done more of, and I still pay for it 3 years later. It hurts, but lesson learned. These allies can be some of your best gifts of grace during criticism, because they can encourage you, build you up, share the load of despair, and offer to pray with you.
6. Your critic isn’t always wrong, they just may approach it wrong – I have received some great criticism from people who showed me some faults and pointed them out. It took a while sometimes to realize that, but they were right. I have learned so much more from the receiving end of the critic’s pointed finger than I have from the praise of supporters. That said, your critic’s point may be right, but their method may be difficult. My encouragement during that: stay calm, don’t over-react, listen more than you speak,  don’t let their words rob your joy (even when they say they want you fired or don’t trust you or think you’ve royally messed up), and take some time to really reflect before responding, lashing out, or resigning.
7. Your identity is not found in your critic’s remarks or in your supporter’s praise, it’s found in the person and work of Christ – Perhaps the biggest thing to remember during periods of criticism, known and unknown, is that you as a Christian are a child of God, blameless on account of Christ’s work on the cross, and sealed with the Holy Spirit. Romans 8:28 never promises things will go smoothly, but that all things, even being criticized behind your back, are ultimately for your good. In the same vein, don’t let people’s praise get to your head either. Again, your identity isn’t found in how wonderful they think you are or how great a teacher or minister you are. That can be a trap, because you can trust in something else besides God’s grace and end up disappointing people (which you will). Find yourself in Christ, rest in who He is, and trust Him.

The Power of Experience

This past Saturday marked the beginning of the Kentucky Derby Festival in Louisville, kicking off two weeks of festivities building up the most exciting two minutes in all of sports. It’s the one day of the year where everyone thinks they’re a horse racing expert, and millions tune in to watch the fastest natural athletes in the world, with speeds on the home stretch approaching 40mph. But it all starts with Thunder over Louisville. If you’ve never been, you might just want to check this out before continuing. It’s 24 minutes long, and here’s some perspective: Imagine going to the biggest fireworks show you’ve seen and checking out the finale – Now, imagine that finale for a half hour.

Here’s some Thunder 2012 stats:

• Attendance: Estimated at 400,000 (some years as many as 750,000)
• 23 tons of fireworks
• Cost to produce: Excess of $1 Million
• Economic impact on Louisville: $56 Million
• Number of Mullets on Waterfront Park: Indescribable
• Traffic impact: Normal 20 minute drive can take 3 hours
• Air show leading to Thunder: 60+ military/civilian aircraft for 7 hours
• Chances of getting a hotel downtown: Better know someone rich and important!

Why is this such a big deal? Because there’s something overpowering about the experience. My wife has asked me often why I will look at my phone during fireworks shows, and my response to her every time is: “If you’ve been to Thunder, nothing impresses you anymore” – It’s almost impossible to grasp the scope of the event until you’ve been to it, and once you have it really does sour every fireworks or air show you could go to afterwards. The amount that goes into the event and the end result really is awesome. That word gets overused and undervalued, but this is certainly one of those times it is appropriate.

Here are four reasons why this is such a unique event:

1. There is an expectation – You don’t pack a half million people (perspective, that’s more than double the population of all of Western Kentucky) in one area without having something planned and those people expecting something. Dud Over Louisville would last one year. Plus, you can see the barges get into position before the event, see all the road closing signs, and the constant news reports about Thunder Traffic.
2. There is a wow moment – Actually there’s several, from the flyovers with the afterburners on to the skydiving to the B-2 Stealth Bomber to the mile long bridge fireworks to the boom you can hear 10 miles away to the finale that lights up the night sky like noon.
3. There is a commonality – I have yet to sit down next to someone at Thunder who looked at me and said “Now, why are we here again? Is someone playing?” Everyone is there for a common reason, to be awed. From being a little kid on my dad’s shoulders to going in college with friends to hopefully being able to take Sam and have him on my shoulders, people are there for a common reason.
4. There is a longing for more – One thing I’ve experienced is that when it’s over I always hoped there would be another round. It’s hard to watch the display and not wish for more.

In case you’re wondering, the date for 2013 is April 20 – Make your plans to go

Why does all this matter? Simply this, experiences like this are so powerful because they happen so rarely. If Thunder happened every Saturday night, it would lose its wonder. It would become simply another attraction, another event, another thing on the calendar. Because it’s rare, it is something you have to wait for. There’s not immediate access, even on TV and YouTube it just isn’t the same.

But here’s where the rubber meets the road – Every week as believers we have the opportunity to have a Thunder-type experience, where each of those four reasons that makes Thunder unique play themselves out on a weekly basis. And it’s with the God whose creative power and beauty makes Thunder look like a firecracker show. It’s with a Word that has the power to change the most wicked of hearts. It’s within a Body that is representative of the crucified Savior and is the instrument of redemption of a fallen world. But sadly, for many of us, this encounter and experience with the Divine is routine, trivial, and negligible. This week, prepare yourself for Sunday and the coming together of the Church to be built up by the Word and by corporate worship. Look forward to the opportunity to be awed by the grace of God who chooses to meet with us through the Word read and preached. Expect to be awed by the fact that God allows us to worship Him through song, through witnessing others baptized, and through the partaking of Communion where we pronounce the risen Christ and await His return. Be amazed at the fact that the Church is the gathering of those from every walk of life who have come under the banner of Christ.

And the most wonderful thing is, this is an experience that should never become routine, God’s wonder never gets old, not after decades or millennia.

Books > Junk

This time of year, every year, I get promo packets, samples, and catalogs of things to honor the graduating class of ____. I deeply appreciate the generosity of these groups to send out so many resources, and I am always thankful for the chance to see what’s out there in terms of music, literature and emphasis. This will be my fifth graduating class I’ve had come through my ministry, and every year I have always given out books. And not some book with a cover that looks like it was designed by a toddler, but good books, substantial books. The number of and the titles have changed over the years, depending on budget, interests of the class members, and such. But I have always resisted ordering the “Greatest Hits of ____” CD packet with the Jesus trinkets for these reasons:

1) Books are valuable because they contain the wisdom and insight of those who have loved Jesus before us. When you read Packer’s Knowing God, you’re reading a book that has influenced several generations of faithful Christians. Or when you read Bonhoeffer, you’re getting a glimpse into one of the most complex people in the most horrific time in modern history. Because of this, books are something that can be passed down later. I have several given to me by spiritual mentors, and have given away many of mine to other people to continue a pattern of faithful reading.

2) Reading good books changed my life in college, and steered me to become a greater student of Jesus and a more impassioned doer of His Word. Many of my dear friends, even those with “secular” jobs can trace much of their faith foundation to books they read during very formative years as they wrestled with the major decisions of life.

3) Fads come and go, but good books are a timeless treasure. I have often come back to the books that have had the greatest impact on me in times of despair. I’ve also come back to several when I need a refresher. What’s hit music now will, in 5 years, be considered outdated. Whatever is the trend now will be obsolete as soon as the next trend on Twitter hits. Usually that’s what we see, but there are some books (and music, movies, etc) that seem to break that trend towards obsolescence.

4) This generation of students is tired of fluff, they want substance. I’ve learned that many times students are spoon-fed mush for so long that when they get a taste of something significant, they cannot wait to have it again (like if you go to Memphis for ribs, it’s impossible to get them anywhere else because they’re just not the same ). Our students have been fed a steady diet of Scripture, truth, and wrestling with significant doctrinal issues, in a way they can understand and broken down so they can see the pieces come together, and that’s what they ask me to keep doing.

Maybe you’re reading this and you’re a student minister trying to figure out what to give your graduating students. Let me give you a list of books I’ve given out or would recommend:

• ESV Study Bible – a bit hefty and pricey, if you have a rich benefactor get them on board!
• J. Budziszewki, How to Stay a Christian in College
• Francis Chan, Crazy Love
• Matt Chandler, Explicit Gospel
• Kevin DeYoung, Just Do Something
• John Dickson, Humilitas
• James Dobson, Life on the Edge
• Mark Driscoll & Gerry Breshears, Vintage Jesus, Vintage Church
• Elisabeth Eliot, Shadows of the Almighty
• Richard Foster, Celebration of Discipline (or Kent Hughes Disciplines of a Godly Man, Don Whitney Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life)
• Greg Gilbert, What is the Gospel?
• Josh Harris, Stop Dating the Church, Dug Down Deep
• CJ Mahaney, Worldliness, Humility
• R. Albert Mohler, Culture Shift
• J.I. Packer, Knowing God
• John Piper, Desiring God, Don’t Waste Your Life
• David Platt, Radical

Feedback time, what books would you add to the list?

Sanctification in the small things

Perhaps one of the most meaningful books I’ve read in my Christian journey has been The Practice of the Presence of God, by Brother Lawrence. In a nutshell, Lawrence served as the cook for a monastery outside Paris. Rather than seeing his work like a fancy French chef on a Food Network show, this was a very menial task. But for Lawrence, it was in the mundane and seemingly unimportant work that a deep love and relationship with God could be cultivated. Lawrence had this to say about it: “The time of business does not with me differ from the time of prayer; and in the noise and clatter of my kitchen, while several persons are at the same time calling for different things, I possess God in as great tranquility as if I were upon my knees at the blessed sacrament”

Many times we think of the moments in our lives that most shape us to be conformed to the image of Christ coming through the “spiritual” activities – serving on a mission trip, praying with a cancer patient, sharing the Gospel with a lost friend and being rejected, or preparing to lead a small group Bible study. But the process of having me shaved off and Christ shining forth comes more so through the ordinary events. It comes through the process of working on tasks given by a God who’s sovereign and worthy of worship while mowing the lawn, folding towels, or fixing a broken sink. The issue is, what is my response to this work? Is it worship or bitterness?

Can I look at the leaky sink in our kitchen and be as excited for that as I am to lead a group on a mission trip? To be honest, apart from Christ, the answer is no. But then again, the crucible of sanctification comes most often through the most difficult times, and the times where it is a greater struggle to drive up the motivation or desire for a task. It’s easy to do some things, and those contribute to the sanctification process, but it’s in those more tedious tasks that we really come to see our need for grace.

Seeing work as worship transforms the what by realigning the why. Work is central to who we are, it’s part of the creation narrative that God put Adam and Eve in the Garden and told them to cultivate it. Drew Carey once talked about the support group for people who hate their job, and by and large this is our understanding of work – that it’s hard and something to avoid or look beyond. But work is inherently good, and honest work is glorious no matter what the job is. I stand amazed watching skilled people do things with wood, drywall, and electricity that I would never touch. The use of wisdom in their work is shown by how easy they can do things. And in that work, God is glorified. Work is a means of worship because it’s a response to the gifts and abilities given by God. It’s also a means of worship because it’s a way of providing for a family (even if that family is 1). It’s a means of worship because it enables the Christian to be generous with his/her money. When the why, seeing work as worship, is aligned, then the what (the actual work, punching your clock, doing your job) is made more meaningful, more significant.

Luther once wrote that the Christian faith was such that a man could work, come home and play his lute, eat his sausage, and play with his kids to the glory of God. For Luther, the Christian life was lived in the ordinary, and in that ordinary, the Christian is transformed into the image of Christ. My encouragement in this post is to view the work in your life, whether a vocation or as a student or a stay-at-home mom, as an act of worship and a way for Jesus to make you more like Him.

RENOWN – Review and Reflection

This past weekend Carrie and I took a van full of students to Louisville for the Give Me An Answer conference hosted by Boyce College and SBTS. The theme this year was RENOWN, and was geared to equip students to make Jesus famous in every aspect of their life. This was our second year to take a group and the response to go doubled from last year. That was a big encouragement because that didn’t come from me selling it or the allure of Chick-Fil-A for a meal or even to go to Louisville. The selling point was students who went last year telling students this year they needed to go. If I can find something they’re actually excited about, then maybe we’re on to something? Carrie and I talked about it after we got home and we both agreed it was well worth the sleepless night, the quick trip, and the last second frustrations because of not only what was presented but how the students responded.

What sets RENOWN apart from most every other youth conference I’ve been to is found in their foundational conviction that students can handle Truth, they can handle serious issues, and they’re ready and willing to make a difference. Instead of building everything around the circus mentality, it’s built around a conviction that Scripture is authoritative, relevant, and accessible. So their goal is to teach the Bible, engage the culture, and ultimately pursue the worship of Christ. They stated from the beginning they weren’t going to water-down the truth and were going to pursue it whole-heartedly.

The Speakers

The keynote speaker was Josh Harris, who most of us read in high school or college with his book I Kissed Dating Goodbye. All these years later, that’s still a book (along with the sequel, Boy Meets Girl) that I would highly recommend to parents and students who want to glorify God with every part of their lives. He shared about his upbringing in a pastor’s home and how it wasn’t until he was much older that he really embraced the Gospel and began to live for Christ. I’ve read several of his books and have heard him speak before at conferences and have always come back to two things I appreciate about Josh: his humility and never-ending quest for learning, and his commitment first to the local church. He does conferences and still does major speaking/writing projects, but his primary work is as a pastor. I love that. He pointed us to Luke 6 and really pressed on what we’re building our lives on: the truth of Christ or something else. Much of his talk comes from his book Dug Down Deep, which I highly recommend as a great read.

Dr. Mohler also was a speaker for the event on Friday night. He spoke from Isaiah 44 on idolatry and brought up the reality of God’s jealousy for His own fame and how God can use sarcasm to point out the foolishness of idolatry. His message was important to note in a culture increasingly pagan and a church that has failed to acknowledge its own struggles with idol worship. His words on the nature of worship showed that we are all worshippers, the decision is whether or not to worship the one true and living God or ______.

Dr. Russell Moore also spoke on Saturday afternoon, and he was the one who closed out the conference. His message was from 1 Corinthians 10 and was a charge on how to overcome. He pointed to reclaiming your identity in Christ (as the fullest and most complete category of our existence – that we are first and foremost found in the righteousness of Jesus), to reorder our desires (realizing the power of them and that God gave them to us to be good – but that they have their limits and sin can quickly destroy), and to reframe our future (as opposed to a here-and-now culture that overlooks both future judgment and future promise).

The most amazing thing about the speaker lineup, when we asked our students who they got the most from, they said Mohler. One wanted to bring him home with us, like a stray puppy? This comes as no shock to me, for years I’ve watched him from afar connect with young men and women who he would have nothing in common with other than Jesus. And that’s really all that matters. My theory, which has no scientific grounding, is that for many students in our generation and the one behind us, this may be the first time they’ve been exposed to a speaker who speaks with such authority, conviction, and clarity. I’ve heard people describe him as a man with the courage of Luther and the mind of Erasmus. That would be an understatement, given the history of Southern Seminary. I was so encouraged by the fact that our students drew so much from him, and that they have a desire and hunger to learn from those who have so much to offer.

The Band

Worship was led by Devon Kauflin from Covenant Life Church and the Na Band. Their movement, known as Sovereign Grace, seeks to do the best of both worlds in worship leadership (combine great music with solid theology in the lyrics). I have been blessed greatly by their contribution to the Church. Their songs were easy to sing along with, rich in truth, and done with excellence. I hope our students got a lot from the worship leadership, because they did what a worship leader ought do, direct people to the cross and prepare people to hear God’s word. You can find one of the songs they did, All I Have Is Christ, here.

Breakout Sessions

OK, moment of transparency, Carrie and I played hooky from our second breakout session to go have coffee, see her dissertation in the library, and spend some time together. The breakouts were led by people associated with Southern Seminary, whether faculty, students, or friends. These were designed to make specific application to a variety of issues and how God’s fame could be pursued in each of those. Some of our students went to breakouts on biblical manhood and womanhood, others on dating, sports, cultural awareness, the college campus, and more. All of the breakouts were recorded and are posted here.

Overall I have to highly compliment Dr. Dan DeWitt and the leadership team at Boyce College, the Event Production staff at the seminary, and the countless workers who gave of their time to make it happen for their excellent work. This conference will, by God’s grace, be a fixture on our student ministry calendar. Keep up the good work, lives are being changed and people are being impacted for the Gospel.

The goodie bag was well worth it, which is always a plus for conference attendees. The gift of Dr Mohler’s books was great to put good resources in our student’s hands so that they can understand the “big picture” issues going on in the world.

If you’re a student pastor looking for a conference to take your students to, let me encourage you to seriously consider the Give Me An Answer conference. You can trust that what the speakers will present is rooted in biblical truth, there will be a pursuit of excellence in every area of the event, and your students will leave being equipped in their faith. I love it because of my affection for Boyce and Southern, but more so because I know if I can point our students to great resources it will last longer than any concert, band, or cool event. They are even taking the show on the road, with remote conferences located all over the country in an attempt to equip students without requiring them to come to the Louisville campus.

Parent Letter

Hey youth ministry parents,

If your student is going with us this weekend to Louisville and needs a letter to their school administration or teachers explaining their need to be out, it is attached here   TeacherLetter

 

Thank you!
Scott

Ministry Passion #3 – Leadership Development

This is the 3rd and final post series in the “Ministry Passions.” The first was Missions, second was Family Ministry, and finally this one on Leadership Development. These aren’t in any real particular order, so don’t read too much into it. I believe each are incredibly important and necessary, the order is totally arbitrary.

I love the idea of developing leaders, not because it’s the most glamorous thing but because it’s a multiplication thing. It’s much more work, more frustrating at times (for both people!), and tends to take a long time to see results. But the impact is tremendous. I was discipled by a guy named Scott Davis while I was in college and seminary. He poured his life into a lot of us who felt called to the ministry. I don’t want to know how many gray hairs I gave him through my immaturity and stupidity, but I’m eternally thankful for the intense reading and workload he gave us to do to prepare us for leadership. The multiplication factor comes in because his legacy is seen on a few continents and in most states in this country. Why? Because God used him to develop leaders, guys and girls who would go on from Louisville to other places to plug in, serve, invest, and disciple other guys and girls. His legacy is far greater than the College and Young Adult classroom on Bardstown Road in Louisville, it’s felt across the mission field, pulpits, student ministries, and workplace missionaries. Thank you Scott, for all you did and continue to do to raise up young men and women.

Here’s why I love leadership development and why I think it’s a great use of my time in the ministry.

1) A legacy much longer than my tenure or life will be. Ministry placements are always temporary, whether by relocation, calling, or death. Once I either move on or die, another guy will step in and take my place. He’ll do things different, he’ll talk different, he’ll have a different vision and emphasis. So what am I leaving behind? Policies and procedures? A groundwork? Probably, but even those are likely to go through a change. The best thing I can leave behind is a legacy in those who were under my shepherding during my time in any place. The legacy is more than that time with them, it goes through to where God places them throughout their lives. If I have the chance to pass on a legacy of leadership to a handful of students, when God calls them somewhere else they’ll go and they’ll be ready to plug in, serve, and lead well. That will far outlive my 80 or so years on this planet. And I’m OK with that. Guys who have invested in me have done so knowing that their legacy in my life will go far beyond the years I spent with them. I’m thankful for that.

2) Impact in the Kingdom. Jesus spent three years with the Disciples and then sent them out into the world. The principle behind that is that many times a leader’s job is to be an equipper. Paul and Timothy had a limited time in their relationship before Paul was martyred and Timothy stepped in to be a mature leader. Equipping others and then sending them out is one of the hardest things to do in a church, but the sorrow is joyful because you know you’re sending competent and qualified people out to other areas. I know many of my students will move away from Murray and go to other places, whether for college or after graduation and entry to the “real world.” My job is to equip them, prepare them well, and pour into their lives so that when they do go, they’re able to be of value to the Kingdom. And I’m OK with that. I’m OK with not having a huge church because we’re so busy sending people out, I’m OK with constantly having to identify leadership-caliber people (or people who desire it but aren’t ready yet) and pouring into their life, I’m OK with having to say goodbye to people I’ve come to love because I know they’re following the Master’s plan. I spoke recently with a pastor who had retired under some discouragement. My words to him were insufficient, but I focused on his lasting legacy that’s seen quite literally across the world.

3) Multiplication, not addition. We operate on addition so much, and there’s nothing wrong with addition and seeing the Kingdom grow. But it’s only part of God’s math. God’s math includes multiplication. Here’s how it works: Let’s say when my time at Westside comes and goes I’ve gotten to pour my life and really develop 10 people for leadership. That doesn’t sound like a lot but, what if those 10 pour their lives into 10 more each? And those 100 into 10 more each? And those 1000 into ten more each? Do you see where this is going? Instead of addition, you’re seeing hundreds raised to leadership and influence. What if a couple of those not specifically targeted for leadership development end up in positions of influence? Anyway, the point is that it can explode. I figure I’ll pastor in my life for about 50 years. During that time I’ll assume I’ll have between 15-20 people serving with me in various “associate” roles. One life can influence dozens of churches, dozens of pastors, which translates into hundreds discipled. In case you can’t tell, I get really excited about this. There’s a reason why my dissertation is on intergenerational discipleship for leadership development. I think the implications for the Kingdom are huge.

4) Both parties have much to learn. I’m young and stupid. I’ll let you take a few minutes to agree and point out my stupidity. OK, feel better? I have a ton to learn from older pastors, and I love having men in my life in the ministry I can go to with questions, seek wisdom, and ask for guidance. And I love having the opportunity to talk to them about how God’s shaped and wired me, how God’s worked in my life, and what desires for ministry He’s given me. Many of those conversations have been mutually edifying, where we’re able to discuss our shared calling and learn from one another. I love reverse mentoring, where the protege passes something on to the mentor. We never expire our need to learn and change and adapt. Leadership development is a continual and ongoing process that shapes and refines both the leader and protege as they seek the counsel of God.

5) It builds healthy leaders and in turn, healthy churches. Developing a lasting legacy in other people for leadership is going to have implications both where they currently are and where God will one day take them. I want to, with our student ministry, take the guys and girls who are called to ministry or to some form of spiritual leadership and invest in them and pour into them so that when they graduate they are able to step in and serve and lead. Many of them will go into other churches where they can help change culture to create an environment of health. If I can send out lots of healthy leaders who will then go into churches and bring about healthy change and produce healthy churches, then praise God for using me. This is where I love the impact of 9Marks, which is a group that has a huge passion for developing and mentoring leaders through the pastoral ministry of Mark Dever and Capitol Hill Baptist, because of their desire to see healthy churches.

 

Ministry Passion #2 – Family Ministry

I wrote before on my passion in ministry for missions, and how my desire is to see students engaged in God’s mission to reconcile lost people, both near and far, to Himself.

Today comes a more recent passion, family ministry. Much of this passion comes from my study under Dr. Timothy Jones and Dr. Randy Stinson, reading of Voddie Baucham and Brian Haynes, and my friendship with Steve Wright. These men have all contributed greatly to the Kingdom and I am deeply indebted for their work which has made my life and ministry more clear.

What Family Ministry Is Not

Family ministry tends to be misunderstood in many circles, especially in churches that have operated for years under what has been called the “Segmented Programmatic” approach. This approach in short treats individual ministries as individual silos. You have a children’s ministry, a youth ministry, a preschool ministry, adult ministries, college ministry, etc. The usage of this approach came from an increase in professionalization and specialization within the church. The good news of this means that more guys and gals were coming through Bible colleges and seminaries to be equipped both theologically and practically for local church ministry. The downside was that this largely resulted in an abdication within the home. It became the professional, paid clergy’s job to lead children to Christ, disciple them, and encourage them spiritually. Youth ministries operated in many cases independent from the family and other adult involvement, some with “No Adults Allowed” in the entryway to these ministry areas. In time, not only the practical implications of church dropout but the biblical/theological concerns of this model began to surface and come up for discussion. Out of that came the idea of “family ministry” and the resulting controversy. Here are a few things that family ministry is not.

1) Family ministry degrades age-graded ministry. One of the critiques is that family ministry leads to blowing up all existing church structures, firing your children’s and youth ministers (transparency, this would be bad for me and my family!), and removing any structural or relational barriers that keeps the generations apart. Yes, this can be done in some extreme circumstances, but the majority of family ministers recognize the reality that there is a need for teaching at different levels depending on cognitive and emotional development. That’s why I don’t lead a class of three year olds through Grudem’s Systematic Theology, but I will take high schoolers through it. Family ministry recognizes the value of creating community among peers, but not allowing the peers to dictate the culture of the community.

2) Family ministry does not apply to “spiritual orphans.” Another critique is well-intentioned, because it seeks to find a place for the teenager or child who comes from a non-Christian home. The response was to criticize family ministry because of the impression that this approach would neglect them. Family ministry does recognize the difficulty of reaching unchurched families, but does not seek to diminish the role of the family in the life of the churched child/student. Instead, a family approach to ministry enables a church to engage an entire family. Families within the church have the opportunity to build relationships with the unchurched family, share the Gospel, point them to Jesus, and minister to them. The child/student who comes to church through the faithful witness and invitation of a friend can serve as an entry point for engaging the home.

3) Family ministry means lazy ministers. In the current approach, the youth/children’s ministry is the primary spiritual connection for the child/student. There is a push for that person to lead the child/student to Christ and disciple them. In a family model, that emphasis shifts to the father (or mother) in the home, or to another dad in the church who can in some way “adopt” the unchurched family’s child/student. The response becomes “well, what does the minister do then?” Let me say this as someone who’s trying to work this in, it actually increases your work. Instead of just leading Sunday and Wednesday nights, you become a resourcer and communicator to parents. I read more books, I browse more Internet sites, all to pass on to parents to help them in their task of discipling their kids. It still means meeting with students and talking with them about things and becoming an adult mentor to them, but their champion ought be their father, not me.

4) Family ministry won’t work here. Yes, taking a church to family ministry is hard, but it can be done. It requires the vision of a lead pastor and a shared commitment from the leadership team to transition a church to it. It also requires a culture change within the church. When a church adopts a family ministry model, that becomes the model for the church. Everything must be funneled through that lens to build, equip, and strengthen families. It cannot simply be another program attached to an already too long list of programs. If that happens, it fails to receive the due attention, time commitment, and emphasis it requires.

What Family Ministry Is

1) Family ministry is biblical. Just a cursory glance through Deuteronomy 6, Proverbs, and Ephesians 5-6 shows that the home is the primary place of discipleship. Parents are given the unique and God-sized task of shepherding their child’s heart to Christ, and this particularly falls to the responsibility of the father. Deuteronomy 6 lays out the prescription for faith training to happen in the course of everyday life, as God in Providence gives lots of teaching moments. They’re as simple as observing the order of creation, the beauty of God’s handiwork in the sky, and the relationships within the family. Proverbs has many sections where it is written from a father to a son for the purpose of training and teaching him wisdom. Ephesians 6 calls on fathers to not provoke their children to anger but to bring them up in the fear and instruction of the Lord.

Caveat – Bringing your child up in a Christian home is not a guarantee of their faith, or that they won’t one day reject your teaching and rebel against God. The salvation of every person, regardless of their family, is a work of the Sovereign Lord who calls each person to Himself. The starting place for your child’s salvation is your knees. Pray for them, often. Samuel is 15 months old and we are already asking God to work in his little heart to create a love for Jesus in our little boy.

2) Family ministry works with the big picture. I am convinced that family ministry is preferable over programmatic ministry models because family ministry has a long-term goal in mind. Most program-driven models seem to focus on the programs (which may be very good programs and very beneficial, please don’t hear me wrong), but don’t operate with the big picture in mind. Family ministry tries to do just that, to operate with the beginning, middle, and end in mind. It starts at the end and works its way back. The end is to present every man mature before Christ (Colossians 1:28). This informs everything that family ministry does, it asks “how will ____ present people mature before Christ?” Family ministry operates across generations, across divisions and groups within the church, and sees itself as part of a 50 or 100 year process of intergenerational faithfulness. That process is the creation and encouragement of a godly legacy, one that endures for generations because fathers and mothers are faithful to love and shepherd their children to Jesus. It also works to put families together on mission, as kids watch their parents serve and give and go, in the hopes that it will create a love for the nations in the family.

3) Family ministry involves the whole church. This is where many pastors do the collective “gulp” when thinking of shifting to a family ministry model. In order to do it right and do it faithfully, it involves everyone. Not just the children’s and youth ministries, it involves the  senior adults, the parents, the grandparents, the single college students, the widows, those without children, and everyone else I didn’t mention. Why? Because family ministry is the connecting of the church and the home. The cliche that it takes a village to raise a child is partly true for this, it takes a whole church to raise a disciple of Christ. It requires a re-orientation of priorities, budgeting, focus, energies, programming, and scheduling because the church sees the value of building and encouraging strong families. Parents get wisdom from those who have walked in their shoes before, children have mentors in the church who aren’t related to them, older adults get to leave a lasting legacy, and children see the beauty of a covenant community rooted in love for not only one another but more so for Christ. It’s not a small undertaking, but it’s beautiful. I worked several seasons in Upward, a sports ministry, at my home church. Through it all we saw 100 or more volunteers across the demographics of the church coming together and the results were incredible. Children heard the Gospel, parents were built up, and some grandparents got saved. Pretty cool stuff. But it required a huge commitment. Pastors, lead your church well in this. Don’t push them, but lovingly guide them to embrace this paradigm shift.

4) Family ministry sees the value of intergenerational ministry. One of the most frequent things I get told when recruiting potential youth workers sounds like this: “I just don’t think I can connect with them. I wonder if I’m too old.” My response is always the same “You’re right, you may not be able to connect with them. I’m not even 30 yet and I don’t know if I can connect with them sometimes.” The point behind that is simple, what children and students need is not another voice on their level – they get that plenty from culture, from media, from their peers. What they need is the voice of wisdom, the voice of godliness that comes from life well lived. Some of the best conversations I’ve had have come from men and women who were retired when I was in elementary school. I cherish their stories, I love asking them about their marriages, and I love asking them what they would tell our students if they had the chance. Intergenerational ministry connects the older with the younger like Paul encourages the church to do in 2 Timothy 2:2. I want my son to have some older, godly men in our church he can call upon for wisdom and who will speak truth into his life. I want older godly men in my life to encourage me as a husband and daddy. I want to help a 70 year old get on Twitter because they want to know what’s going on in the world! There’s much value in connecting generations and allowing them to get involved in one another’s lives. How beautiful it would be to see old and young doing ministry, loving the Lord together, and pursuing Christ as one.

 

Is family ministry perfect? No, unfortunately not. No system is, everything has its flaws and every church is unique and has to find out how the general principles apply to the specific environment and culture of the church. But let me encourage you to consider a paradigm shift in your church, or even start within your own home. Model this in your family pastor, as you seek to love and serve your wife and raise your children. Be a part of a revolution, not a political one through elections, but a revolution of love and mission.

Ministry Passions #1 – Missions

I like doing blog posts in series, it helps me think of things to write and keeps my rabbit-trail brain from going too far off base.  I like to brainstorm in coffee shops while listening to people’s conversations. Some people call that stalking, I prefer the term “cultural observation.” The word that comes up repeatedly is passion, people share what they’re most passionate about and it carries a different countenance, a different attitude, and it’s very clear when people talk about what makes their hearts beat.

It got me to thinking about what I’m most passionate about. Over the last 3 years I’ve really been working on trying to shape my philosophy of ministry and how God has gifted me for service in the church. The philosophy can be summed up in Truth, Comprehension, and Application. It’s easy to remember, it’s comprehensive, and functional across ministry functions.

But what gets me excited in ministry? These are the things that get me through the lousy days and the boredom of administrative tasks. Those are necessary in order to do the things that come from personal passion, and I try to teach any ministry student the necessity of good record-keeping, punctual attendance, meetings, and taking criticism well.

If I had to rank these three things, it would be this:

1. Leadership Development
2. Family Discipleship
3. Missions

Today we’ll do Missions, tomorrow Family Discipleship, and Sunday Leadership Development. These three things have come to be passions through the crucible of church ministry, of dealing with people, engaging students, and doctoral education (Leadership Development is my dissertation focus, and Family Discipleship is a minor in my program).

Why Missions?

John Piper opens his book, Let the Nations be Glad, by declaring the worship is the ultimate and missions is the penultimate of the Christian life. He states that missions exist where worship doesn’t. His premise is that where Christ is not worshiped as Lord, there is a need for contextual, Gospel-centered missions and evangelism. For those of us who are in Christ, we have an obligation and a joy to take the Gospel to the ends of the earth for the cause of Christ who called us from the ends of our sin to His glorious grace. We get the opportunity to share the love of Christ and make disciples just as Christ was shared with us and we were discipled. It’s a beautiful experience and a glorious picture of the continued work of the Spirit to draw men and women and boys and girls to Himself.

I walked our students through Romans to explain the biblical/theological case for missions a couple years ago. It was a preparatory series for taking a small group on a big adventure to Boston, Massachusetts. Romans provides a systematic approach to the gospel and the need for it to be heralded in every corner of the planet because of its universal application and the cross-cultural call of Christ. Here was the outline:

• Universal Lostness (Romans 1-3)
• Christ as the Answer (Romans 5)
• The Process: Death to Life (Romans 8-10)
• The Result: The Church (Romans 12)

Jesus leaves no choice for those who would carry His name in the Great Commission. There’s no escape clause or way out of the task of the Christian to be about the mission of reconciling sinners to God through Jesus. The Great Commission takes us to every nation, every people group, and charges us to make disciples in those places. The beauty of immigration and America as a melting pot is that for the American Church, the nations come to us! There are communities in our cities of foreign nationals that are unreached, many in the Bible Belt with immediate access to the Gospel.

Biblically, we cannot escape our charge to make Jesus famous in places where He is not. We cannot exempt ourselves and we cannot make excuses for why our lives are not lived on mission for Christ. We may not be called to full time, vocational missionary service, but each of us has been given a sphere of influence to make much of Christ. If you don’t know your sphere, social media is a great start. More people are on Facebook now than lived on the planet 200 years ago. That’s powerful, there’s a huge mission field. Go.

How Missions?

My good friend and co-laborer in Murray, Daniel Kinkade, said during a combined worship service that we cannot reach the nations without first reaching our neighbors. The how of missions sees several emphases that cannot be neglected for the sake of others, even though each emphasis is good in its own. These are those who are local, regional, and global. The local are those nearest to us, friends, neighbors, co-workers, classmates, teammates, and family. The regional are within our boundaries as a nation but perhaps separated by culture or custom. It requires more travel and can often be an eye-opening experience (trust me, I took a bunch of guys from Western Kentucky to one of the largest cities in the country, in New England, with no sweet tea!). The global are those “over there,” whether it’s in a mud hut in Africa or in a crowded apartment complex in Moscow or in a suburb not unlike our own outside of Athens.

If we forsake the far for the near or the near for the far, we have fallen into a trap of assuming that one group doesn’t need our message. It’s very easy to fall into either, I’ve been on many mission trips where I found the application back home very hard. And I’ve been on others where I realized what I was doing near I couldn’t do far. But God calls us to both, and God calls us to reach both the near and the far.

We do this in some very practical ways, and this has been a great joy to lead and transition our student ministry.

First, we give. We have gotten to support a couple of great mission opportunities. One is a church plant in Boston that is serving a community with no evangelical churches in English. They are seeing people saved, baptized, discipled, and raised up to leadership positions. Their pastor has become a friend to me, and while our small group was there we were able to love on him and his family and encourage him greatly in his work. The second we have supported is a campus missionary at a college nearby. He served our student ministry in a Disciple Now weekend and our students loved him. He followed the call of God to pour his life into the lives of guys in his fraternity and whomever the Lord gives him favor with. So far he has a huge legacy that continues to grow with every man he disciples who then pours into other guy’s lives. We also have taken tangible gifts when we go on a mission trip for the ministries we work with, to be a blessing to their work. Locally, we give our time and energy and resources to smaller churches, and to various ministries in our area. It is my hope and prayer that one day we’ll be able to continue serving and being a blessing to these ministries in the future.

Second, we equip. I am a firm believer that the best way to learn is through experience. So what we do with our missions is take the opportunity to equip and train our young men and women for future service in the Kingdom. We equip them through teaching, through experience, reflection, and practice. So many of our students can share about their experiences and how those have grown them and caused them to be more aware of the global community, their place in it, and what they can do to make a difference for Christ.

Third, we go. When we got to Westside I had a big huge dream to do an international mission trip and domestic mission trip in alternating years. My goal for every graduating high school student was that they would spend time in a different context from their own and know what it’s like to minister in a foreign context (even if it was in their own country). Sadly, because of budgetary reasons I have had to abandon this goal for now. I pray that God one day opens up that door again, and in His provision and sovereignty let’s hope it does. But we do go still. We go locally and serve in ministries in Murray and Paducah. We have gone regionally to Memphis, Cincinnati, and soon to Louisville. We have served the urban poor and given the homeless a face and name. We have canvassed suburbia and its false dreams of American prosperity with the gospel, prayer-walking and saturating communities for local churches, and we have prayed in rooms where women make the decision to choose life for their unborn baby. We go because there is nothing that can replace the experience of being in a different context and looking into the eyes of pain, hurt, and despair.

Our how is flexible and we are always looking for ways to engage in missions. Our goal is to be balanced in what we do, not forsaking the far for the near or vice versa. I continually put before our students to live on mission rather than go on mission trips. The difference is huge. One is temporary, part-time, and can be compartmentalized. The other is radical and life-changing and calls on the student to live every aspect of their life as a means of sharing and proclaiming Christ.

The Cost if We Do Not

Let’s be honest, missions are costly and we are in the midst of a recession. The temptation is great to keep more money to ourselves, to cut  our giving to missions funnels like the Cooperative Program, or to simply cut off missions because “we need the money here more.” Let me, as nicely as I can say that, declare that to be incredibly dangerous and harmful for the Church. Programs are in-house things are great and we should pursue them as a means to grow within, but let us never be found to forsake the nations, both near and far, for the sake of entertaining ourselves.

David Platt, in his book Radical, writes about the American Jesus who is happy with our endless programs, our emphasis on ourselves, and our lack of giving and going for the sake of the Gospel. He says:

“We are starting to redefine Christianity, We are giving in to the dangerous temptation to take Jesus of the Bible and twist Him into a version of Jesus we are more comfortable with. 

A nice, middle-class, American Jesus, A jesus who doesn’t mind materialism and who would never call us to give away everything we have. A Jesus who would not expect us to forsake our closest relationships so he receives all our affection. A Jesus who is fine with nominal devotion that does not infringe on our comforts, because, after all, he loves us just the way we are. A Jesus who wants us to be balanced, who wants us to avoid dangerous extremes, and who, for that matter, wants us to avoid danger altogether. A Jesus who brings us comfort and prosperity as we live out our Christian spin on the American dream.

But do you and I realize what we are doing at this point? We are molding Jesus into our image. He is beginning to look a lot like us, because, after all, that is whom we are most comfortable with, And the danger now is that when we gather in our church buildings to sing and lift up our hands in worship, we may not actually be worshipping the Jesus of the Bible. Instead we may be worshipping ourselves.”

What terrifies me about losing sight of the call of missions is this: it quickly and inevitably becomes idolatry. We begin to worship someone other than the Christ who bids us to sacrificially give and go. We begin to worship our comfort, we begin to worship our security, and worst of all we begin to worship our money. Holding onto it becomes the worship of this idol rather than give it away.

My fear is that we are raising in our country a generation of teenagers who see the power of social media, the influence of ideas, and the passion of a cause. But they don’t see that from the church, they see it from the culture. They see it in the Kony 2012 movement, they see it in the Occupy protests, they see it in the sacrifices people make to move to foreign countries to live in villages and dig wells. But what I fear is that they look at the church and see complacency, they see insulation, and they see fear. Oh bride of Christ, don’t let false idols and false hopes supersede the glory of Christ.

I do not speak as a prophet on this, but I do not see how or why God should keep a church open that forsakes its role as the lighthouse to its backyard, its region, and the nations. In a microcosm of that, I’ve seen our church support local ministries and make disciples in our area, I’ve seen our men go to Alaska and carry the Gospel on their backs (and a lot of drywall too!), and I’ve met missionaries to Central Asia who God called from among our church. God has given us, in jars of clay, a message that is far more valuable and far more precious than anything we can do or keep to ourselves. We have, by grace alone, been given the opportunity to go to the nations and, because of grace again, the nations come to us. I was at Dairy Queen the other night and counted 4 different ethnicities/nationalities in line, and I’m in a rural area of west Kentucky. There are hundreds of languages spoken in cities like New York, Chicago, LA, Boston, and Miami. We recognize that no church is eternal, no church is beyond being shut down by the Lord. May He find us faithful to our task to make disciples not only within our walls but without and across the street and around the world.

If you’re reading this and you’re a pastor, lead your church well. Lead your church to love the Gospel so much you’re willing to do without a building program, extra stuff for yourselves, or some other pointless expense. If you’re a missions Rambo, someone who’s gung-ho for the Gospel, keep it up. Go, be bold, and do your task well! But do it in the context of a local church who will love you, hold you accountable, and feed you. And if you’re reading this and my comments about selfishness and complacency are you, repent. Trust Christ, and follow Him regardless of where He leads. He’s worth it. He’s so worth it. Give, go, support, pray for, and make your life open to missions.

Is Louisville Still Home?

In January of 2008 I packed a uHaul and headed off to Memphis TN to take my first position in the ministry. Up to that point my ZIP code had always been 4029X, now it was going to be a totally different city, state, culture, and environment. Louisville had been home for 25 years, all I’d known, and had gotten to love my city. Memories of Freedom Hall, Waterfront Park, Bardstown Road, Qdoba, the Seminary Hill, running at Seneca Park, the restaurants on Frankfort Ave, going downtown, and being able to get anywhere in town in “about 20 minutes” were just that, memories.

I’ve gotten to come back to Louisville many times, in no small part because of deciding to continue my education at Southern Seminary. My dad and one of my sisters still live here, and there are still many friends here. But every time I come back something is different. Here’s an example.

I’m sitting at Starbucks on Bardstown Road. This used to be a Kingfish restaurant. In fact, the wall next to me is covered with remnants from the restaurant, including the smokestack and carnival lights for the sign. Across the street is a giant parking lot. It’s the old Showcase movie theater, which was torn down in the last couple years. My pediatrician’s office is just around the corner, and so is the Krispy Kreme we went to in order to “study” in college and seminary. The familiar and the foreign in one small area.

This is only the beginning of the changes, UofL looks nothing like it did when I graduated in 2004, my dad’s part of town has grown so much it takes so long to make a WalMart run, and with Pitino’s Palace downtown the landscape of the city skyline is very different. In some ways, it feels like I barely even know a city I dearly love. In other ways, she’s never changed. I’m all for change, development, growth, and redefining yourself. I’ve never been a “good ol’ days” kind of guy, in church life or in anything really. Change is good, development is good, redefining yourself is good. And it’s all good what’s happened to Louisville, even if the Watterson is still a mess, there’s always a wreck at “Hospital Curve,” they continue to spend money on bridge surveys only to find out the same thing every time, and I still get lost in Cherokee Park.

So is Louisville still home? If by “the place you pay your mortgage” then no, my home and my life is in Murray. We love it there, it has been such a rich blessing to be there. We have dug down deep roots and have loved and served alongside some wonderful people. But there is a longing every now and then when we don’t want pizza, cheap Mexican, or Asian food to be on Frankfort Ave and try out some of the local places like the Grape Leaf or Irish Rover or Java Brewing Company. Maybe I’m more wistful because I’m here in Louisville now and when I leave I’ll be glad to be away from the crazy drivers and I-65 traffic. Probably. But let me enjoy this, I’m home for a little while.